You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
