i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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