Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
