i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
