im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You were trust falling into bushes
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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