i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
