I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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