Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(312): View more from Illinois

Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006

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(312): Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006 http://tfl.nu/3jq0

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(914): View more from New York

I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks

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(914): I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks http://tfl.nu/uwbl

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.

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(860): Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV. http://tfl.nu/ridn

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?

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(570): how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge? http://tfl.nu/xxhq

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.

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(774): I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys. http://tfl.nu/c88u

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(248): View more from Michigan

I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.

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(248): I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half. http://tfl.nu/u2dc

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(870): View more from Arkansas

To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.

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(870): To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical. http://tfl.nu/vs7y

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(817): View more from Texas

I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.

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(817): I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy. http://tfl.nu/7tra

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(757): View more from Virginia

Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him

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(757): Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him http://tfl.nu/gn0k

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them

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(570): Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them http://tfl.nu/2e8h

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(317): View more from Indiana

Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!

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(317): Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour! http://tfl.nu/4bwc

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(720): View more from Colorado

By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.

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(720): By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air. http://tfl.nu/rzj6

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(210): View more from Texas

I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish

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(210): I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish http://tfl.nu/kpto

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(912): View more from Georgia

Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say

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(912): Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say http://tfl.nu/bgnm

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(309): View more from Illinois

Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.

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(309): Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off. http://tfl.nu/ojpk

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