I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
