i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Randomize
