Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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