so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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