what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Your penis caused this!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
