Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
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In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
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Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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