hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
