He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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