and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
