Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
