I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
