Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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