But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
