i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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