i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
