I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Randomize
