Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
