these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
