plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....