i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
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I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped