i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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