Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
