I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
