My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
