i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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