watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
