is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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