Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
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i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
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I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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