you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
