i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
