get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Naked. naked and bneed help.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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