I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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