I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
