Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
