At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
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some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
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She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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