You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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