So drunk its hurt
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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