I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
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How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
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After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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