all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
