i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
