that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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