Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
