How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
