i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
