I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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