We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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