how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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