I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
