I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
this just has baby written all over it
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
