I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Randomize
