That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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