i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize