Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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