I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
you never un-have a 4some
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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