she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
