Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
