Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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