did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
