well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize